Cancer
by bechloemygreys
Summary: Chloe is diagnosed with lymphoma and she and Beca both need to accept the fact that her diagnosis is pretty much terminal.


**A/N: These are usually heartbreaking, especially if it's dragged out for a trillion chapters, so this is a one shot!**

"I have cancer," Chloe whispered that night when Beca crawled into bed next to her.

Beca turned towards the redhead and her eyes filled with tears. "You're kidding, right?"

"No baby, it's stage 4 Hodgkin's lymphoma," Chloe said sadly. "Remember last week when I felt that lump in my throat?"

Beca nodded, trying to keep herself from choking out a sob.

"I went in because it's really big now, and it's stage 4," Chloe said, bursting into tears.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Beca asked. "I would've come with you."

"I didn't want you to worry," Chloe said. "Please don't worry."

"How could I not worry? I just found out my fiancé has cancer," Beca said, wiping her tears. "What are the treatment options?"

"There's not many," Chloe said. "Can we talk about it in the morning? I'm feeling really exhausted and stressed and I really need to sleep."

"Chloe how are you not freaking out about this? Our wedding is in a month and you could be in the hospital. You could be dying Chloe, how are you not flipping out? Holy shit," Beca muttered.

"I'm so worn out, I just really need to sleep and then I can think about it, ok?" Chloe asked.

"Yeah, yeah," Beca nodded. "She wrapped her arms around Chloe and gave her a kiss. "I'm going to be here for all of this. Every appointment, 24/7. Whenever you need me."

"Thanks baby," Chloe yawned. She fell asleep within minutes but Beca stayed up all night holding her and crying. She couldn't lose her.

* * *

The next morning, Beca got up early and made coffee before Chloe woke up. When the redhead came into the kitchen, Beca wrapped her in a hug. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Chloe shrugged. "I know you want answers. I don't know half the things I want to either, but I'm going to tell you everything I know."

Beca nodded and sat down, holding hands with Chloe.

"Right off the bat I'm going to need 4 sessions of chemotherapy and I'll get one every 2 weeks. Then they're going to do 2 sessions of radiation therapy to try to get the rest of it. If that doesn't work I'll need to have surgery to try to remove them. And then as soon as they're gone I'm gonna need a blood transfusion."

"What are your chances?" Beca asked.

"30%," Chloe whispered. "I might not make it past the radiation therapy."

"Can we move up the wedding?" Beca asked. "I want to be married to you."

"Baby everything's booked, we'll hope for the best," Chloe said. "I have my first chemo session today, I know you have to work though."

"No, I'm taking today off," Beca said. "What time do we have to go?"

"We have to leave in an hour," Chloe said. "I'm not going to eat anything, I'll probably just end up throwing it up. I'm gonna go get ready."

* * *

An hour and a half later, they were walking up to the cancer patient ward of the hospital. Both women couldn't help but notice how quiet and scary it was in there. Pale with no makeup on, Chloe still looked like the healthiest one there. She checked in at the desk and the doctor took her and Beca to a room with a few other patients in there. Chloe sat down in a rocking chair and Beca sat down in a plastic chair. The nurse came by and gave Chloe a sympathetic smile. "Hi Chloe, we're gonna get you started, ok?"

"Ok," Chloe replied. "This is my fiancé Beca."

"Hi Beca, it's nice to meet you," the nurse said. "I'm actually going to have speak with you after we get her set up."

"Ok," Beca replied.

"So Chloe we're gonna set you up with an IV and then the drugs will take about 2 hours to finish. After that, we're gonna keep you for another hour to run some tests, and you should be out of here by 12 if everything goes as planned," the nurse said. She stuck the needle in Chloe's arm with no notice and the redheads eyes widened before she quickly grabbed Beca's hand.

The nurse connected the needle to the bag of drugs and gave Chloe another sympathetic smile. "You're going to feel tired and really nauseous and weak but if there's anything besides that, let me know. Now can I talk to you Beca?"

Beca nodded and gave Chloe's hand a gentle squeeze before following the nurse into the hallway. "What's up?" She asked as the nurse shut the door behind them.

"She's really sick, you know?" The nurse said.

"Worse than we thought?"

"I think so, if the chemo doesn't work, she might only have a few weeks to live," the nurse said. "When is your wedding?"

"In a month," Beca said. "Should we move it up?"

"No, she'll be fine for the first month, then things will most likely take a turn for the worse," the nurse said. "After a month, she might be too weak to walk and she probably won't have her hair, but she'll be healthy enough for the wedding."

"Ok," Beca replied with a sigh. "What can I do for her?"

"She's going to be really fragile so definitely make sure she's comfortable, and honestly all you can do is make sure she's eating enough and try to stay positive."

Beca nodded, trying not to cry in front of the woman she had just met. "Thank you."

"You're welcome hun, my name is Joanie if you need anything." The nurse gave her a soft smile before walking away.

Beca went back inside and sat down next to Chloe, gently stroking her arm. "How are you feeling, love?"

"A little tired," Chloe shrugged. "Am I gonna lose my hair?"

"Yeah honey you are," Beca said sadly.

"I'm gonna be so ugly, you're not even going to want to be with me," Chloe burst into tears.

"Yes I am, nothing in the world could make me not want to be with you," Beca said, giving Chloe a kiss. "And we're still going to have the wedding. The nurse said you should be able to go."

Chloe nodded, holding back the tears that were threatening to spill out of her eyes. "Thank you for being here."

"Chloe there is nothing in the world that is more important than me being here with you," Beca replied.

Chloe yawned and put her head on Beca's shoulder. "Do you mind if I fall asleep?"

"Of course not, I'll be right here the whole time."

* * *

A month had passed and Chloe was getting sicker and sicker. The chemo wasn't helping and it kept making her weaker and weaker. She had lost all of her hair and was too weak to walk up the stairs and long distances without Beca's help. They were currently sitting at home a few minutes before they had to leave to get ready for the wedding. They both had decided that it would be better for them to get ready together for Chloe's sake, especially since the wedding was fairly small. Only Beca's Dad and stepmom, Chloe's parents, and a few of the Bella's were coming.

Beca stood up from the couch, trying not to disturb Chloe who was sleeping next to her. Unfortunately, the older woman woke up and grabbed onto Beca's hand. "Can you help me up? We need to get going."

"Are you up to it? I'm sure I can do your nails and makeup."

"I'm up to it," Chloe said, letting Beca help her up. "Can we bring my wheelchair though? Just in case I need it?" They had invested in a wheelchair when Chloe started getting weaker, and while they normally used it just for emergencies, Chloe liked to have it just in case.

Beca nodded. "I'm going to help you out to the car and then I'll come back to get it."

She held onto Chloe as they slowly made their way out to the parking garage that was connected to their apartment. Chloe had to stop halfway to catch her breath but she eventually made it and let Beca help her in. "Thanks baby," she said.

"Of course, I'll be right back," Beca said. She brought Chloe's wheelchair back and put it in the backseat before climbing into the driver's seat. "Doing ok?" She asked Chloe.

"Yeah," Chloe shrugged.

They began driving to the nail salon and Chloe glanced up from her arm where she had been rubbing the bruise from the needle. "Beca?"

"Yeah?"

"Am I going to die?" She asked, her eyes filling with tears.

"Can we not talk about this right now?" Beca asked, trying her best to focus on the road.

"Seriously, am I?" Chloe asked. "Because I keep getting weaker and weaker and nothing's working. Please just tell me, I'd rather know than sit here every day worrying that I am."

Beca sighed. "The chemo isn't working so far. You have 2 more sessions for something to start working and then that's it."

"So yes?" Chloe whispered.

"Probably." Beca finally said it out loud and she immediately choked out a sob. "You have like a 10% chance at this point."

Chloe nodded. "It's ok."

"It's not ok Chloe! You're the love of my life and you're going to die. There is nothing ok about this!" Beca screamed.

"You don't have to marry me. I want you to be with someone else when I die. I don't want you to think you're tied down."

"I'm not supposed to be with someone else, I'm supposed to be with you." Beca hit the steering wheel and tried her best to calm down. "I'm marrying you and whatever happens happens, ok?"

Chloe nodded, linking hands with Beca. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me."

"I just don't want to lose you."

"I know, you'll be ok," Chloe said reassuringly.

Beca nodded. "Can we just drop this? I want to enjoy today."

"Of course," Chloe said.

* * *

"Chloe Beale, I never could've imagined I'd be standing at the altar, marrying you. When we met 7 years ago, I was shy and closed off and I had a huge crush on you, and I can't believe I'm standing here about to marry you. There are so many things fighting against you and nothing I can do can make it stop and I wish I could. I wish I could take all of this pain away from you. I'd give it to myself if it would make you better. If it could guarantee you a long, happy, healthy life, but all I can do is hold you and watch you get sicker. The thing is, no matter how sick you are, you're still trying to smile and be positive, and you are still the most beautiful girl in the entire world. Even when you're puking you're guts out," she winked at the taller woman. "I might be biased because you're the love of my life, but I think everyone here can agree that you are the most beautiful girl in the entire room. Nothing in the world can change that, ever. You're so patient and kind to me, even when I'm probably annoying the crap out of you. You're beautiful inside and out, smart, passionate, and most importantly you're mine and you always will be, no matter what happens." Beca brought a hand up and wiped the tears that were streaming down Chloe's face.

Chloe laughed lightly. "I don't really know how I can top those amazing vows, but I'm going to try my best. I've always known you and I were meant to be together. Maybe it's some weird psychic thing, but I had a feeling, even when we had first met. You've been there for me since day 1 and you really proved it to me when I got diagnosed. I'm feeling awful right now, honestly, but you're holding onto me and making sure I don't get too weak to stand and honestly I couldn't ask for anyone else to have been here for me through this. I know the odds don't look great, but I'm going to fight one hell of a fight for you. I want to be here and have kids and grow old with you. I'm fighting so hard for you, and you're the only one keeping me going. You're so strong to deal with all of this and keep yourself together while all of this is happening. You're the most beautiful girl I've ever met and you're so talented and kind. I love that I got you to open up to me and be the most important thing in my life. I love you so much and I'm gonna keep fighting for you."

The minister smiled at the girls. "You may kiss each other now." Beca wrapped her arms around Chloe's waist and pulled her in for a kiss. She made sure Chloe had her balance before letting her go and holding her hands.

"I wouldn't have traded that for anything in the world," Beca said as she and Chloe slowly walked down the altar steps. "Feeling ok?" She asked as the redhead took a shaky breath.

"Yeah, I just almost lost my balance," Chloe said.

"I got you, don't worry about anything," Beca said, giving the taller woman a kiss on the cheek. It wasn't the perfect day, but both of them were happy they were finally married and could be as happy as possible.

* * *

2 months had passed since the wedding and Chloe hadn't improved. She and Beca, along with her team of doctors, decided that it would be best if she was in hospice care, off all treatment and meds except pain meds. Beca had permission to take Chloe out for 2 hours a day as long as she was in her wheelchair, so she made it her plan to take Chloe to as many of her favorite places as she could. So far, they had made it to the mall, the zoo, the aquarium, Chloe's favorite cupcake shop, and Chloe favorite coffee shop. Most days, Chloe just asked to go sit at the park or to go home for a little while. Beca had stayed at the hospice center every day for the past month and a half Chloe had been there, and her record company had been really gracious and let her work from there so she could spend every second with Chloe. They were currently laying in Chloe's queen sized coffee bed relaxing after a trip to the annual carnival. Chloe's hair had started growing back but she was feeling weaker and weaker and she was unhealthily skinny. Both of them knew it was close to the end but they didn't realize exactly how close. Chloe turned towards Beca and gently nudged the brunette, by wanting to interrupt the music she was working on. "What's up?" Beca asked, sliding the headphones down to her neck.

"Promise me you'll have kids after I die?" Chloe asked.

"What?" Beca asked. "I'd be a horrible mom."

"You'll be an amazing mom. And I'll be there with you. Not physically but I promise I'll always be there in your heart," Chloe said softly. "Remember back last year when you and me decided to get eggs removed so we'd be able to have kids one day?"

"Yeah," Beca said. "Oh my god, you want me to-" she finally figured it out. "I can't."

"Beca please, carry my baby. I want to be a part of that baby," Chloe said. "You could use yours if you want, but I want to be a part of it, especially since I can't be there."

"Of course I will," Beca said.

Chloe shifted in the bed a little bit, wincing in pain.

"What hurts?" Beca asked softly, rubbing the redhead's back.

"Everything," Chloe replied. She paused for a second. "Would it be ok if I let go? Because I'm barely holding on right now and I feel so at peace knowing I'm going to have a child and that you're here with me. I just don't know how much longer I can fight for air," she said, her eyes filling with tears. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"Baby," Beca whispered softly, trying to keep herself together but ultimately failing. "Are you sure it's time?"

Chloe nodded. "I can't do this anymore, I'm physically and mentally drained."

"You can let go, I'm gonna be ok," Beca whispered. "It's gonna be really hard, but you've written your will and everything, and I know you're going to be with me every second for the rest of my life."

Chloe nodded. "I wrote you a letter too, it's in the drawer of your desk at home. I just want to let you know, I love you more than anything and I want you to be happy."

"You too love," Beca said. "I know you're going to be with me every second of every day. Promise you'll be happy?"

"Promise," Chloe whispered, snuggling into Beca's side and giving her one last kiss on the lips. "Goodbye Beca."

"Goodbye Chloe," Beca whispered into the kiss. She held the redhead until she didn't feel a heartbeat anymore. She called the doctor and burst into tears as they took her wife away. I'll love you forever.

* * *

12 Years Later...

"Hey mom, where do I get my red hair from?" Beca's 11 year old daughter asked as she walked into her mom's office. "Did my dad have red hair?"

"No he did not," Beca said as she took off her headphones. "He was just a sperm donor, you got your red hair from your biological mom."

"I'm adopted?" Emily asked, sitting down on the couch.

"No, it's really complicated actually," Beca said cautiously. "I can tell you the story, it just gets really long and I'll probably get really upset."

"It's ok mom, I want to know," Emily said reassuringly.

"Your biological mom and I were married for 2 months and 28 days," Beca said. "She had stage 4 Hodgkin's Lymphoma and our very last conversation was about you. She reminded me that she and I had both gotten some of our eggs removed in case we ever wanted to have a child and she asked me to have her baby so a part of her could still be with us. So you're not biologically mine, but you're not technically adopted since I carried you."

"How come you never told me about her?" Emily asked.

"It was too hard on me. Every time I look at you I see her. You have her hair and eyes and smile, and I just miss her so much, that's why I'm not going to date anyone, because she's still mine."

"Do you have any pictures of her?"

"Oh a ton," Beca replied. She stood up from her chair and opened the closet door to find a big box that had Chloe written on the front of it. "I'll start from the beginning, sound good?"

Emily nodded and sat down on the floor next to Beca. Beca started pulling out pictures, showing her daughter pictures of them from college, from their engagement, and finally their wedding and when Chloe was in the hospital. "She held on for so long, I don't know how she did it," Beca said incredulously. "Oh my god, here's the letter," she said barely above a whisper.

"Do you want me to leave so you can read it?" Emily asked.

"No honey, it's about you," Beca said, carefully opening the envelope and slipping the letter out of it.

 _Dear Beca,_

 _I wrote most of this in my will, but I wanted to write a little extra for you. You deserve some closure and I'm hoping to give you some. You are the most beautiful person in the entire world and I'm so happy to have known you the past 7 years of my life. Thank you for being here for me these past 3 and a half months. I don't want to leave you, I wish I could stay with you forever, but I know I'm going to have to let go soon. That being said, I want you to have my baby. I want you to use my eggs so a part of me can always be with both of you. I'm 98% sure we found out all of mine were girls. And I know we never talked about names, but since Emily is my middle name I was thinking that if you like it? Please tell her about me whenever you feel ready. I want her to think of me as her mom too. Most of all, I want you to be happy. I love you more than anything, beautiful. Don't forget about me. I'll love you forever._

Beca wiped her tears and wrapped her arms around her daughter. "What do you say we hang up some pictures of her?"

Emily nodded. "Would it be ok if I considered her my mom too?"

"Oh my god, of course," Beca said. "She was the most amazing person, I wish you would've gotten to meet her."

"Tell me about her," Emily said.

Beca sat down on the couch and fiddled with the wedding ring she still wore every day. "Well for starters, I'm never gonna take this off," she said with a sad laugh. "She was beautiful, the sweetest girl alive."

Beca went on for hours and pretty soon both she and Emily were asleep on the couch. Beca could feel Chloe was with them, and she always would be. Chloe was 100% hers because she knew she was still 100% Chloe's.


End file.
